I’m sure you heard the news: starting this summer, if you refuse to give the TSA identification, you will be “denied access to the secure area of airports.” Am assuming these “secure areas” include those “secure ramps” that allow you to get on “secure planes”.

Fine with me.

Now it’s a different matter if you’ve lost your ID (or were a total nutcake and forgot it). You could be subjected to all kinds of “enhanced screening” and maybe “interviews with behavior detection or other law enforcement officers”.

So what’ll they ask you? We turn to our pals at Consumerist.com who tell us that the TSA accesses all kinds of info on you, everything from old addresses to wedding anniversary dates, etc., etc., so you might want to study up on your past and present life.

Personally, I can remember my childhood home phone number — but the rest — pretty blurry.

Wonderful story in the LA Times today (by Bob Pool) about a flight attendant who passes out crayons — to adults.

Jewel Van Valin started doing this after 9/11 to calm the nerves of anxious passengers.

It worked. People liked it. They still like it. And Van Valin has collected and kept them all. Now the Delta flight attendant is looking for a place to display what she calls this “Plane Art”. They should be seen, she says, because “many of these are very good.”

She’s right. See them for yourself.

A naked man was running around an American Airlines flight from Boston to Los Angeles Saturday, when Naked Man thought it would be a good idea to open an emergency door in mid-flight (by the way, that can’t be done).

A soccer team on the same plane, the New England Revolution, thought that was a bad idea, and restrained him.

Plane landed (unplanned) in Oklahoma City so Naked Man could go to a crisis center for “observation”. Soccer team went on to win World Cup. Well, not really. But they’re aces in my book.

A change-of-command ceremony was temporarily disrupted when a wayward civilian sky diver crash-landed in the midst of a military band.

Those military musicians really got slammed: the sky diver, who was going about 50 mph, left one soldier with a broken jaw, another with a fractured an ankle, and assorted other injuries.

And two sousaphones were destroyed.

After the casualties were taken away, the band — and I don’t know how they did this — continued to play — sans sousaphones.

A Ft. Riley spokesman had this explanation: “We soldiered on.”

Well…of course.

In his latest column for ABCNews.com, our boss Rick Seaney — an excellent executive and all-star human being — asks this question: will the airlines ever drop all their new fees?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Yes, Rick knows the score — but, please — read for yourself — just click here.

Remember that day — July 17, 1996 — when TWA’s flight 800 exploded in mid-air off Long Island, killing all 230 onboard?

A lot has happened in the 12 years since then — including the demise of TWA.

But, good news: They’re finally getting around to fixing the “problem”.

According to a report from WJLA in Arlington, the feds are going to unveil “new safety rules” to prevent this. As I know you know, the authorities blamed the explosion on a spark igniting vapors in the 747’s tank. Now, it seems, there will be “new rules calling on the airline industry to fit some planes with a system that will use nitrogen to reduce the flammability of fuel tanks.”

Only took a dozen years.

Meanwhile, if you have a moment tomorrow — the anniversary — maybe send a thought to the families of the dead. Time does not heal all wounds.

Well, I doubt it.

But…people do indeed fly to these things (and according to a report from the Florida Sun-Sentinel, as many as a third of reunion attendees will travel 500 miles which boggles my mind).

Now let me boggle yours: a poll by the Travel Industry Association “found one in three adults - about 72 million - in the United States attended a family reunion in the three previous years.”

What’s with these guys? All this…(shudder)…togetherness?

I thought avoiding Uncle Fester and Auntie Em was one of the reasons they invented email.

Do mummies move you? Keen on coffins? Have we got a tour for you.

VirtualTourist.com has a list of 8 top burial sites (via Reuters) that includes such gems as “Hanging Coffins” in the Philippines; the “Bone House” of Austria; “Sky Burials” in Tibet; or just good old-fashioned long-haired mummies in Peru.

Boy, oh, boy do they have something for everyone!

Now, just imagine the souvenirs.

Let me set the scene: a United Airlines flight from Denver to Des Moines is getting ready to go when, suddenly, alert passengers notice 3 ticks in the cabin.

According to United’s ever-unflappable Robin Urbanski, no ticks were found on anyone. However, the flight was delayed while a new, un-ticked jet was readied for service.

The Des Moines Register gave a fine description of this tick-ish mystery: “How the wayward arachnids got on the jet had not been determined.”

Okay, I have a couple of questions:

• 1. What were the ticks doing? Just sitting around?
• 2. Were there any dogs on board?
• 3. How does anyone happen to notice “3 ticks in the cabin”?
• 4. Were there any deer on board?
• 5. Were the ticks ticketed?
• 6. Why didn’t someone just stomp them?

What IS it with drunken passengers these days?

Used to be, they’d just sit there and get quietly soused. Today, they grab various portions of flight attendant personageorget real drunk and claim to be aterrorist (can you get any stupider?).

Our latest party boy was a first class passenger on Delta (see — it’s not just the rabble in coach);he got mad because he saw “lesser” passengers being allowed to deplane ahead of him. So, he put on his thinking cap, and decided HE’D deplane first — by pulling open an emergency hatch and sliding down the chute — whee!

A police officialsaid the man appeared intoxicated.And yourfirst clue was…?

A Delta official said,the manwill pay for his unauthorized ride.