A 19-year old man who worked as a flight attendant for Compass Airlines (a subsidiary of Northwest) had a problem: he didn’t want to fly the airline’s Minneapolis-St. Paul to Regina, Saskatchewan route. Why not? I dunno. The report doesn’t say.

Anyhoo, this bozo was apparently told that he had to work the route.

So… solution to the problem? Why, set the lavatory on fire! So that is what he did.

And the plane had to make an emergency landing in Fargo, which is where the young lad is being held without bail.

Just one question: you didn’t want to go to Regina — but you’re okay with Fargo?

I love this site — The Consumerist — because they know how to get to the heart of things — plus, they sure can write.

Take the dry topic of mergers.

The Consumerators have a nice, informative post all about how United is talking merger with multiple airlines. So, they begin their story this way (and I quote):

“United Airlines is a slut.”

Zing!

Rick’s latest ABCNews.com column is about the high cost of oil and the future of air travel.

Sooooo, Rick fills in the blank with the word “grim”.

We fill in the blank with the word “MrHappyIsCrying”.

Now you try it! But better read his column first — yep, just click here.

Maybe the middle seat isn’t as bad as we all think it is. JetBlue passenger Gokhan Mutlu would have loved a middle seat. Instead, he claims he was forced by the airline to spend a large portion of his California to New York flight sitting on the toilet, and he’s now suing JetBlue for $2M.

Mutlu was flying on a “Buddy Pass,” and he was told that a flight attendant would give up her seat and sit in the jump seat, so Mutlu could fly. Mutlu claims, though, that about 90 minutes in he was told that the flight attendant was uncomfortable in the jump seat, and that she wanted her original seat back. Mutlu was also told that due to regulations he could not sit in the jump seat. The pilot came out of the cockpit and allegedly told Mutlu to “hang out in the bathroom.” A brief argument ensued, but Mutlu eventually ended up fighting turbulence on a toilet, no seatbelt in sight.

When I contacted JetBlue I was told the airline “does not comment on pending litigation.” On the surface, this seems like a horrible story with a pilot, flight attendant, and airline breaking FAA regulations and every unspoken customer service rule. However, it seems to me that we’re not quite getting the whole story, so I urge readers and passengers to reserve judgment until we know a little more. In the meantime, think twice before complaining about getting stuck in that middle seat. There are far worse places to spend a flight.

Visit the Chicago Tribune and the New York Post for more on this story.

UPDATE: Southwest passenger Joe David Jones has defended his cell phone use on the Austin to Dallas flight:

“Jones reportedly was on the phone to talk to a hospital about his father’s care. A business associate, Mark Clayton, says Jones told him his father’s heart had stopped and a cardiac unit needed to talk to him immediately to discuss care options.

Clayton says the nature of the call was life and death.” (from Fox News)

A passenger on a Southwest Airlines flight from Austin to Dallas was met by police upon landing, because he refused to stop talking on his cell phone throughout the flight.

As reported by the Dallas Morning News, flight attendants repeatedly asked the passenger to stop using the phone, but to no avail. The passenger was met by Dallas Police and cited for disorderly conduct.

OK, as someone who has flown between Austin and Dallas many times, I have to say, “Get off your phone!” The Austin to Dallas flight is one of those where you barely have time to get your drink before the plane starts its descent. Can’t you be “disconnected” for 50 minutes?

Oh, and the airline can be fined up $25,000 if they don’t comply with FAA regulations regarding cell phones, so it’s not like the flight attendants are just being difficult.

One day, we may be cursed with legal cell phone use in the air. Until that time, let your fellow travelers enjoy the silence.

Okay, you’re the pilot of an American Airlines plane, on the runway at Dallas heading to Paris. You and/or your colleagues hear the following:

1. Loud noises (from the belly of the plane)
2. Loud shaking noises
3. An explosion

What do you do?

A. Stop the plane
B. Stop the plane
C. Keep flying to Paris!

If you guessed C., you too can work for American Airlines! (Yeah, yeah, they all got to Paris safely, even though a panel to the air-conditioning system popped off, blah, blah…but…I mean, really).

Yes, it’s true. Delta is shutting down 9 of its 42 members-only airport lounges.

If you’re a rich guy (membership costs $300 to $600 a year) and you fly to Boston, Cincinnati, Denver, Honolulu, Kansas City, London, Phoenix, or Seattle — well, by the end of the month, you’re outta luck. Delta’s shutting them down, to save money.

Not being a rich guy, I can only dream of the exotic charms of these lounges: naugahyde seats? A listless wait-staff? All the peanut packs you can hold?

No matter. 9 lounges will disappear. By the end of this month.

Never get tired on a Southwest Airlines flight again! The carrier announced that it is now offering Monster energy drinks for passengers who need an extra boost. A taste of Monster’s low-carb liquid energy will cost you $3.00.

Southwest hopes that sales of Monster and other little perks will help create additional revenue streams as they, like all carriers, try to deal with rising fuel costs.

Check out the Dallas Morning News for all the details.

Air New Zealand is kicking things up a notch for many of their long-haul passengers by providing a staff of concierges in the sky. The concierge staff will make things a little easier for passengers by providing vacation tips, booking assistance, and even a bit of wine expertise.

Check out Air New Zealand: It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s a Concierge! for all the details.

Do you watch all of those travel shows and think to yourself, “Man, I could do this,”? Well, now is your chance. Lonely Planet is offering $500 for amateur travel videos. If you’re out seeing the world and you’ve got an eye for the original, you could have your work seen by thousands, and pick up a little extra cash on the side.

Check out Gadling for more on the story and visit Lonely Planet.tv to see exactly what they’re looking for.

A Mesa Airlines pilot’s laptop went missing last week at Washington’s Dulles Airport. This wasn’t any old laptop, mind you. It contained top secret security information that, as reported by Washington DC’s ABC 7 News, provide “the pilot, through a keypad, access from the gate to the plane and down to ground level right below the plane.”

Needless to say, this caused major security concerns. 17 airports including Chicago O’Hare and Hartsfield in Atlanta, had to quickly change security codes. While this situation caused general panic and some embarrassment for Mesa Airlines, it also raised serious security questions. Should sensitive codes such as these be stored on a pilot’s laptop? If so, what measures need to be in place to ensure that something like this doesn’t happen on a regular basis?

Sometimes, anyway. A few seconds worth, anyway.

Here’s the deal: an acquaintance told me that any time a small plane flies over his house, he can hear the pilot’s conversation coming out of his computer speakers.

You’re probably thinking flashbacks, but he was always kind of a goody-goody, so that’s not it. Maybe it’s because his house is high up in the Rockies — closer to the action so to speak.

I wanted to know if he heard anything interesting – but no. Just idle chit-chat. And he could recall neither the chit nor the chat.

Now if he could just arrange to be seated at said computer when UFO’s fly by. You know how the Western skies are infested with them, and I for one would like a heads-up about any conquest of earth – strictly for planning purposes (Do I send the dry-cleaning out? Or wait?).

Remember that incident back in February, when 2 “go! airlines” pilots flew past the airport in Hilo, Hawaii? Yeah, they sort of missed their runway — by about 15 miles.

And people were sort of wondering — were they napping?

Well, they’ve been axed. But here’s the deal: “go! airline’s” parent company, Mesa Air Group, has had its share of complaints by pilots that they are overworked and exhausted.

That ain’t right. On the other hand, the only person I want to see sleeping on a plane is me.

Rick’s latest column is all about how the airlines are nickel and dime-ing us…in new and inventive and expensive ways.

It’s…interesting and horrifying. So give it a read. By clicking here.

US Airways is now making us pay for the privilege of sitting down. Really. Well, no. But…

…but they are making you pay a minimum of $5 per-flight-leg for the aisle and window seats in the front of the plane (and if you want all the details, click here–or here–quite frankly, I’m just too upset to go into it).

But, why stop there? What else can they charge us for? How about a buck to sit next to the lavatory? Or a $2 fee for an aisle seat in the last row? Or maybe an in-flight raffle? Prize: the co-pilot’s seat (now you’re talkin’!).

But what am I doing, giving US Airways all this genius-like free advice? Somebody should be paying ME. US Airways, you know where to find me.

Ever wonder what those fancy types up in first class are watching on their personal entertainment systems during long haul flights while you’re forced to re-do the crossword puzzle for the third time or watch some Val Kilmer movie from the mid-80s on a screen that’s half blocked by the seats of the 12 rows in front of you?

Well, truth is, you might not be missing much. Take a look at our first class travel blog to see how the other half is living (movie wise, anyway), and old Val might not look so bad.

Saw this on walletpop.com — an article called, “Check your airline’s financial health before buying a ticket”.

Alright, and we do that…how?

Direct quote from the article: “Consumers [can] do their own research. Quite simply, when you’re booking a flight, stick with the airlines that appear to be in the best of financial health.”

Oh! Is that all there is to it? Well, thank you, Capt. Obvious but I neglected to get that MBA. I never even became a CPA like Ma wanted. Must continue with current Russian Roulette system: find plane goes to desired destination; if plane is cheap, get on (smart, huh? Knew that GED would come in handy someday).

Talk about adding insult to injury.

Some poor guy dies on a British Airways’ Hong Kong to Heathrow flight. Sad. Problem is, the deceased businessman unfortunately died on April 2^nd, at the height of the madness at Heathrow. And by madness, I mean that’s when Heathrow’s luggage “experts” were busy LOSING 28,000 BAGS.

Among the missing bags — yep, the dead guy’s. And his son is pretty hot under the collar about it. Understandably. He called the situation, “unforgivable.”

There’s about 27,999 folks who would agree with that assessment.

You don’t have to fly all the time to know that things just haven’t been going that well for the airlines from a customer service standpoint. With tarmac delays, bizarre TSA run-ins, and the seeming disappearance of “frills,” passengers on the whole just haven’t been all that happy of late.

FareCompare CEO Rick Seaney takes a look at what the latest airline complaint study (they’ were up 60% in 2007) means for airlines, passengers, and the industry. See what Rick has to say in “New Report: Complaints about Airlines are Rising.”

Oh, Naomi Campbell. We can’t take you anywhere.

Supermodel Naomi Campbell, as famous for her work on the catwalk as for throwing phones and attacking her maids, is at it again. According to reports by the Mirror and CNN, Ms. Campbell has been arrested on suspicion of assault after being taken off a plane at Heathrow’s already beleaguered Terminal 5. It seems that Campbell’s tirade stemmed from an issue of lost luggage. Had she read our CEO’s report on mishandled baggage at Terminal 5, she may have been better prepared.

Unfortunately, she didn’t handle it well. Passengers claim Ms. Campbell was “aggressive to flight staff,” and she was removed from the plane. No news on as to how this will affect her dancing lizard commercials.

Naturally, we are talking about the President of Palau (which, as we ALL know, is an island nation about 500 miles east of the Philippines).

Here’s what went down: Mr. President was visiting the Philippines and was about to head off to Guam. It gets a little murky here, but apparently he was told he had to go through regular security procedures to get on board his Continental flight, procedures that include the possibility of getting frisked, and…he didn’t want to! So he left in a huff (most likely, a limo) and disappeared into his hotel.

Confession time: I don’t know where Palau is, but then again, I’m a product of the American education system, but I do know when a guy is a head of state, and Mr. President certainly qualifies so…I would have given him a pass.

Don’t worry, he did get out the next day…on a charter.

Ask and you shall receive.

Rick (that’s Mr. FareCompare or Mr. FC to us, but, please…Mr. Seaney to you) has just written a column for ABCNews.com in which he DOES provide that very help.

Plus, he give out tips and stuff. It’s good. You shall read it. Clicketh here.

Disciples of the Marquis de Sade, this one’s for you.

It seems a woman preparing to board a plane in Lubbock last month set off the metal detector because of her nipple rings (or piercings; you know, metal stuck through flesh).

The TSA folks said, take ‘em off. Well, she tried, but apparently they were “unremovable”. So a TSA agent helpfully handed her a pair of pliers. That did the trick!

She wants an apology (oh, and she also hired attorney Gloria Allred– watch out, TSA!) Meantime, the woman eventually got through the metal detectors (which FAILED to detect her navel ring).

Tip O’ the Day: be sure your nipple rings are removable; also, listen to your mother and never to get ‘em in the first place (what about a tattoo, Ma?).

How many times have you sat on a plane and actually paid close attention to the flight attendants as they give their safety demonstration? It’s even easier to ignore when they eliminate the live performance and show the whole spiel on video.

Well, Delta Air Lines wants your attention…or at least the attention of those who find sassy, striking redheads appealing. As Wired reports, the star of Delta’s latest safety video is keeping eyes on the screen and garnering comparison to a certain Ms. Jolie, “the flight attendant has earned the nickname ‘Deltalina,’ in reference to everyone’s favorite Tomb Raider.”

I don’t know if this makes up for the long waits and rising ticket prices, but all of a sudden I do find myself very concerned about how the oxygen mask works and whether or not my seat cushion can be used as a flotation device. Check out Wired for a look at the video.

More geniuousity from Rick: his latest column on ABCNews.com reveals some cool facts and false myths.

Or are myths false anyway? Well, he debunks some, I’ll put it that way.

Plus, he doesn’t exactly tell you precisely when to buy tickets, but you’ll figure it out, if you just read the column.